Changing Direction
Its been a difficult week. A lot has transpired in my life over the past five weeks. I had really settled into my routine with work, the gym, eating, and sleeping making up the bulk of my days. I have been connecting with old friends, making a few new ones, and enjoying hobbies that I have loved and missed for a long time. Golfing and fishing at the top of that list.
From a very young age I can remember my parents instilling in me the value of hard work, commitment, and responsibility. I took this to heart at a young age, and am so thankful I had such powerful roll models in my life. At every step of the way in my personal development, these values have proved so powerful.
One pattern that I was blessed to recognize over the last two years, along with a lot of help from several individuals, was my need to please others. Realizing that when everyone around me was pleased with me, my world remained calm. I learned at a very young age how not to rock the boat. Acknowledging that pleasing others can be a very powerful tool, but without the appropriate balance, too much of one thing is seldom good. So, if I am constantly channeling my energy in life towards keeping others happy, I am not leaving much room for my own voice to have a part in the conversation. What does Robby want to do? What does Robby need? I am not pretending to know the perfect answers to those questions, rather choosing to recognize there importance in my process now. Becoming aware of this pattern was huge. Seeing the blessing in this gift of pleasing others was the easy part. I enjoy bringing happiness into other peoples life, and find it deeply honoring when I can do so for others. But also acknowledging, that in doing so, to an unhealthy extent, I was not able to cultivate my own voice, and individuate in process. This is something I have been actively working on, recognizing the moments in each day that truly serve as opportunity to cultivate my own voice.
With that, my summer plans have changed. I concluded my time with the Shasta Lake Hotshots yesterday, June 20th. Yes you got that right, I quit my job with the U.S. Forest Service, putting in my two weeks notice on June 7th. This was a very challenging decision for me to make. A decision that took a lot of time to carefully consider. You see, I truly enjoy the challenge of fighting fire, the expectations of physical and mental fitness, the camaraderie developed over time. When I first signed up to be a hotshot 6 years ago, I had no clue what I was getting myself into, or how challenging it may be. But I wanted to prove that I could do it. I have always had a deep seated need to prove myself, something that has been a strong source of motivation for a very long time, a source of motivation that I believe I could do well with departing from. In departing from proof as my strongest source of motivation, I am giving my self an opportunity to honestly ask the question... Why am I doing this? Whatever "this" may be. Sometimes the answer is simple, because I love something and engaging in it brings me happiness. Other times the answer is not so clear. My departure from the Forest Service was less about the job itself, and much more about an overwhelming feeling that I am being pulled by life, in a different direction.
So, I listened, made a decision for myself, and acted on it. I guess you could say, I rocked the boat. Thats all I have for now, but stay tuned for so much more, big plans are coming to fruition for the remainder of the summer. I am so excited to share them with you. Thanks again for reading, and joining me on this crazy journey, I am so thankful for your support.
With love,
-RB